[five]

First I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who has reached out to me to support my mission here. It means the world to me and boggles my mind that people are responding so supportively. Y'all are the best!!

Sometimes in life the rug is ripped out from underneath you.

This morning that's exactly what happened to me. I received an email that rocked my world and threw my future into chaos.

Earlier this semester I got a job offer. I happily accepted and agreed to contact my boss this month to work out the details. So I did. And I didn't hear anything for several days. I started to worry; he always answered within an hour or two in the past.

Turns out I was right to worry. I may not have a job next month. Nothing's definite yet. But the strong possibility that I'll graduate unemployed is still there.

It took a while for the news to settle in. About half way through my morning class my heart sank in my chest. Now what?? That one question just kept running through my mind.

But this blog isn't about sad personal stories or doom and gloom. This is about losing weight.

My first instinct when the news sank in was to turn to an old friend: food. I wanted to run to the grocery store down the street. I wanted to buy a bag of Cheetos and a package of Oreos. I wanted to run to the McDonald's at the harbor and chow down on some chicken nuggets and fries. I wanted a liter of soda, a one pound bag of candy, a pint of Ben & Jerry's.

I went to my afternoon meeting, still in turmoil (sorry about that ILS board--I was not with it this afternoon). I came home and ate lunch. The lunch was not quite my usual; today I opted for homemade tuna salad with canned tuna, a tablespoon of mayo and some red onion. Not the best but not the worst either.

Mom and a friend of mine had the same advice for me: go for a run. So I grabbed Ginger, fired up Zombies, run! and hit the pavement.

Is the problem solved? Nope.
Am I still upset? Definitely.

But I feel better now. I feel stronger. I feel like I accomplished something. I know that the choice to run was better than the choice to binge. I know that my decision is not one that will cause me regret. I know that those Cheetos or Oreos or McNuggets or Ben & Jerry's would only make me feel worse about my situation. Not only would I have to address the job situation, I would have to battle guilt from my binge.

So please say some prayers for me over the next few weeks. Goodness knows I need them.